Just One LEARNING Bite

Book: ‘The Courage to be Disliked‘

I’ll be honest. I picked this book up because of the title.:)

‘The Courage to be Disliked‘,
by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitaro Koga.

It REALLY intrigued me.
Because, as I was saying earlier, in 10+ years of leadership development coaching, the number one thing I hear is some version of: what will people think of me?

So a book that answers that with ‘it’s not your problem’, you bet I was intrigued!

Written as a dialogue between a philosopher and a young man, it draws on Adlerian psychology to offer one quietly radical idea: other people’s opinions of you are their business, not yours.
(how many times have you heard that before and said ‘yeah, yeah, yeah’?)

This one doesn’t do it in a ‘I don’t care’ way.
But in a ‘I can only own my intentions and actions’ way.

And here’s a quote I want to share.
Because my first reaction was
‘oh, another theory about happiness.’

And then: wait, what does it have to do with being disliked?
And once I got to ‘things of lightness’… I was even more intrigued.

“The courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked.
When you have gained that courage, your interpersonal relationships will all at once change into things of lightness.”

‘Things of lightness‘. That’s still with me.

Because that’s exactly what I see in coaching conversations when people stop performing for the room and start showing up as themselves.
Something shifts.
And ‘stuff’ (whatever it is) feels lighter.

So if you’ve ever held back, stayed quiet, or made yourself smaller to avoid disappointing someone, this one’s for you.

It won’t tell you to stop caring about people.
It will invite you to care about the right things. 🙂

Of course, coaching question to ponder on:
if being disliked was simply not your ‘business’, what would you do differently?

Game On: Lead Different. Build THAT courage!

Roxana

What’s a leadership bite you’d like to share?